Chained

 

Over twelve million Africans were brought to the Americas as slaves, more than five million to Brazil, and one of those people was my great-grandmother’s mother. May 13, 1888, 135 years ago, Slavery was abolished in Brazil. However, the black movement does not celebrate this date, since no policy of reintegration or compensation for this population was made. Theoretically, it was 300 years of slavery, but racism is still alive and killing people's dignity everyday. If socially speaking, there is still a lot of reflection from that time, emotionally, the size of the burden is bigger. Starting from my grandfather, the first people in my family were born after the Golden Law, then my father and his siblings, and finally his children. The weight of slavery directly impacted my family's experiences, communication and education of an entire generation.

I would like to have more information about my family history, but everything is hidden under heavy thoughts, sadness and oppression. No answers for the “wh questions” about my great- grandmother’s mother, just that she came from Africa as a slave to Brazil. Her daughter, my grant-grandmother, was born with an unknown father, in Brazil, 1885, in the master's house where her mother was a slave. That is the reason she could be baptized, as the property of his mother's “owner”.  At nineteen years old, my great-grandmother was sold to her “owner”, the man who carried my last name, and she had my grandfather just eighteen years after the slavery abolishment. 

Jorge de Almeida, my grandfather, had the same name as his mother’s owner, the man who bought her. He was the first one born after slavery, a man who fought with all the internal and external pressure. I have only one memory of my grandpa, and several comments about his personality: A difficult person, hard to talk with, reserved, cold and racist. He was the son who was so ashamed of his past that he wouldn't talk to his own mother. A black man with dark skin who had to learn not just how to read and write practically by himself, but how to survive and build his legacy. He got married with my grandmother, a white, blond woman and had four kids with her. He asked them to study and never lower their heads to anyone. With a strict upbringing and little communication my dad was raised.

There is a lot of missing information about my father’s upbring because he always says that he doesn’t remember. I bet it is not easy to think about all this background, but I do believe in the power of reframing. His oldest brother is the only one who talks openly about this topic, and he is the one who raised all this unique valuable information and shared it with those who are interested. In contrast, I cannot say that my childhood was unhappy or marked with pain, and I am aware that I am privileged to have had all the conditions and opportunities I had. Although it’s clear how impactful this historical charge  was and continues to be, my siblings and I have some emotional inheritances- a tremendous difficulty in communicating, expressing our feelings, and a hard time with acceptance, be it the hair, or some trait. 

I had never investigated the possible origin of it all until nowy, and I found this transgenerational trauma in the deep roots of my history. It is not someone’s fault, my grandfather didn’t choose to have this behavior. In society black people are usually seen as aggressive, uncommunicative, less good than others. I do not blame my grandfather, my dad or anyone for this. I know that  slavery is humanity's failure, and every day there are still victims. However, with the resources my family has now, access to information and professional help to deal with whatever it takes, it is up to each one of us to try to turn that key and gradually free ourselves from the shackles that bind us to that past. However, we should never forget that those same handcuffs were what brought us together.